"In one moment I gave my heart away"

pshhh

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 21:38:44 GMT

6 months of my time spent on you and I am not even worth a fucking returned phone call.

As far as I am concerned everyone can eat shit and die.

pleasssse

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 22:03:03 GMT

Please dont let this happen to me again. I cant take another.

That terrible feeling I get when shit hits the fan is back and I am scared to death.

This will be the last time.

I wont be missed.

meh

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 03:11:52 GMT

For some reason I always seem to get the shit end of the stick. Everyone else gets recognition for everything they do and I am just pushed off to the side or stuck in a corner where no one sees me. I dont really understand cause I put as much effort into things as most people if not more. I dont know if I come off as someone who doesnt seem approachable or what it is but I like to think I am a nice kid. I think as of right now I dont care anymore and just want to keep to myself until graduation I really dislike pretty much all the people in my school.

and my knee is fucked again.

fuck

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 15:55:27 GMT

I am so out of my mind right and havent been myself at all. I am at all time max stress level and I dont know if i can handle it. I am trying my hardest but everything I do I feel is a piece of shit. I dont know why i am in photo school I cant even take a decent picture. I look at everyone else work and mine is shit.

Basically I am a huge piece of shit and let everyone in my life down and pretty much just want to kill myself everyday.

Every morning I wake up and feel like I am gonna puke.

why am I here?

sweeeeeet

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 01:26:09 GMT

Another trip to Ohio under my belt and this was by far the craziest/scariest one yet. We left on monday and rode tuesday and wednesday. Stay with the man Zach who never falls short on the hospitaliy. Things went downhill on wednesday. James busted his finger really bad when some kid smashed into him. It wasnt broken or anything just really swollen and purple. So we get all our riding in and take off from Zach's at around 7:30pm Thursday night. We get to about hartford Ct an hour away from home and shit hit the fan. I really big 18 wheeler decieded that she would make and illegal lane change into the same lane that we were driving a steady 60-65 in. Well there wasnt enough room for both of us so rather than have a semi run us over james served off to the left and we ended up sliding through about 5 guardrail posts smashing out the back window and ended up under neath the guardrail where we came to a very quick stop. I look up and the truck just keeps on driving no brake lights nothing. We call 911 and apparently so did someone else who saw the whole thing. The cops came and the truck was stopped down the rode and James endedn up getting all her info so he may just be getting a new car and since trucks are not allowed in the left lane on I-84 a lawyer told us we may be able to get some money from the whole deal. We got towed to this diner waited for my dad to come and pick us up and had a super cool tow truck guy names skip talk to us for while. So james's car is totalled we are all ok.

I have never been in an accident that was that serious and hopefully I wont have to experience anything like that again.

on a side note you were in my mind the whole time and I hope you never leave.

<3

<3

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 08:40:16 GMT

No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you <3

hmm

Mon, 26 Dec 2005 04:12:13 GMT

I didnt think that I would be this happy about a girl again. Is this for real. I hope so.

<3

Word

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 08:17:18 GMT

I saw the most beautiful girl today working at AC Moore in the mall today. Too bad I didnt talk to her cause I suck.

same old story

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 06:58:03 GMT

myself + girls = same fucking deal of me getting fucked over

on a side note i got my chest worked on today and its done. Schools good but life sucks but whatever its the usual story and I am use to it by now.

Something to be happy for

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 03:22:05 GMT

So school so far is going amazing and I am soo happy that I finally feel like I have some sort of direction in my life. My luck is still shitty but right now thats not really bothering me. My knee is busted again but that just means I can take more photos.

Full moon photo taken at 11pm at night. Word to Alex for this shot.

sad

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 01:14:58 GMT

I am soo sad right now cause your not here and now I have to sleep alone. I miss you already.

</3

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 01:33:39 GMT

Why is it that I can never find the good in things...and why do I always let shit get to me?

yeah

Fri, 16 Sep 2005 17:11:58 GMT

School started last week and so far is going amazing. Its really different when you go to school for something you love doing. It makes me want to pay attention and not miss anything which I have never done before in school. I have been soo tired lately but its really my own fault cause I never go to bed at night. My new friends at school are amazing and it feels like I have known them forever. I miss my friends I never see and even though I am busy all the time I will try my best to hang out and be in touch. For once things are going well its a weird feeling when things work out.

...and on a side note girls are fucking insane and impossible to figure out but I am not gonna let that bother me right now cause too many good things are happening.

Time to kill

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 00:25:16 GMT

I am all moved in and I just sit around everyday trying to keep busy till classes start which is still not till a week or so. Things so far are going well the two guys that live downstairs are wicked cool and I have a sketchy neighbor name luis who is nice but not all there. The damn mexicans love to blast mexicano music all the time and the rednecks next to me love to do burn outs in their driveway. I found this sick room in the attic in my apartment and alex and me are setting up a practice space. So I will still be able to play and have someome to play music with for a change. Its strange but things seem to be going well but with my luck I prolly just jinxed myself. I guess time will time.

I dont get it

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 22:39:52 GMT

Why is it that every time I try to do something for me its has to blow up in my face. I thought maybe for once that things were gonna work out. Yeah but of course not thats unheard of for me. All I need is a fucking godamn co signer for school thats all I want right now. So I can go to school and do something with my life and not feel like a piece of shit all the time. But instead I am just gonna end up a fucking failure and be working shitty jobs the rest of my life and be alone and miserable. I mean why should anything change I am doing a great job at it now.

Sunny sunny Florida

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 21:03:25 GMT

Another crazy night in Florida last night. Nothing new cause everynight on this trip has been crazy and amazing. Went to the bar last night and had prolly one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen talking to me keeping me company while everyone else did their own thing. I had amazing company so I couldnt complain. For the record Mark Brennamen the kid we are staying with is prolly one of the coolest kids I have ever met and is fucking awesome for showing us around and letting us crash here. Our days start at about 3pm and by 6 everyone is drinking and we usually call it a night by 3 or 4am. There is usually some wakeboarding or wake skating throw somewhere in there too. Not bad if you ask me. Cant wait to see what the next week or so will bring.

hitting the road

Wed, 25 May 2005 00:33:43 GMT

Tomorrow morning I am finally leaving for PA with Josh to meet up with Goguen where we will be staying for a week or more then heading down the east coast ending up in Fl. Then meeting up with Paul and Dave and chilling in FL for a couple weeks. We are gonna be gone for the better part of a month and I have about 200 bucks so I will be ape ing it most of the time. But I am not worried. Should be an amazing time and I cant wait to see some more of the country. See everyone when I get back.

<3

for crying out loud

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 02:00:31 GMT

So I have come to the realization that nothing in my life goes smoothly and I have come to expect it. My video premier was tonight and I get there and Spike is like we dont have your video. Apparently someone sent it to the warehouse and not to the Worcester shop. The warehouse was locked so he couldnt get in. I was like fucked this is great. Then Josh is like yo lets go back to your house and get another one. So fly back to my house and burn another copy cause I had none made. Now we have until 6pm and we get to my house at 5:30 and its a 40 min drive back. We fly back at 6:00 and ended up getting to play my vid. Everyone loved the vid which I was super happy about and in the end everything worked out. Just in case no one knew Josh is the man and that was sick that you drove me back. I appreciated it a ton.

all in all it went sick and copies wil be available as soon as I get that shit done. I am still wicked bummed cause my knee is still messed up and I want to ride but O well. Thats my life.

......

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 20:16:00 GMT

I finished my vid for the premier sunday. Was up all night and got up early this morning and I dont know I guess I am happy with it. Its not what I wanted to make but I think it came out pretty well. My knee is feeling some what better. Sucks cause all I want to do is ride. And its so freaking nice outside!!!

who needs bad luck I got plenty to go around

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 21:04:05 GMT

Went to Ohio this weekend and had the best/worst time. It was prolly the best trip to Oh I have taken. It was an eventful weekend to say the least. We had 6 kids, a huge van with a couch in it, maye a place to say, and had to do it all in 3 days. We get to OH at 3am on friday and sleep in the van in the parking lot. It was sooo fucking cold cause it decided to snow that night. We wake up at 6am and the park doesent open till 2pm. 3 of us go and eat breakfeast at this family place which is not very good then we go to a dollar store to kill time. The seconded we walk in the lady working is a huge bitch to us. So we are walking around the store and Eric finds silly string and sprays John all over his head. The lady is like ok you guys are gonna have to pay for that then leave. My friend Eric pays $2 for the can and she tells him he can have the can he sprayed. He goes to look for the can and she follows. Then she tells him that he cant have it and he says i paid $2 for it I want my can. She agains says no and tells him to leave so he takes the first thing he can see ans its a 1.50 key chain and says fine than i am taking this. The lady is like no your not I am calling the cops. Eric tells the lady to fuck off and walks out. We are driving down the road and see a cop slam on his brakes so we are like fuck. We take off into the skatepark parking lot and park behind another van and our van is like 4ft longer on eacn side so theres really no hiding it. About 5mins later a cop pulls up behind us and puts on the lights then two more and a k-9 unit. They take eric back to the car and for like 20 mins we are all sitting in fear. They take all our ID's and like 10 mins later come back and say they are taking Eric to jail for theft and that we need to bail him out and it could be 100 to 1000 dollars. We follow the cops to the station and sit there for about 4 hrs. Then Eric comes out and says he bailed himself out and it was $100. This all happened before 12pm and we still had 2hrs till the park opened so we ate at the best sandwhich shop and then went and rode. We rode Chenga and then the Flow and then drove home and had a Madonna dance party in the van and almost swerved into a semi and died.
I was having an awesome time riding then tweaked the shit out of me knee and I think I tore my ACL. I can barley walk and cant straighten my leg. I am not too pumped about it cause just when I was really having fun riding again then this shit happens. If I need surgery I wont be able to ride till fall if I am lucky. I just can win with anything anymore. Besides my knee this weekend was really fun.

ummmmm

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 22:13:54 GMT

So all this week I have been working and its going good. I havent actaully worked any of the hours I was scheduled for cause they keep asking me to come in early then let me go home early. Most if the time I am sitting around and waiting for work. I dont care I am getting paid to sit around so I cant complain. Its really weird for me to see people working in an office/factory environment. I am use to working laboring jobs and it seems like all the people I see have really easy jobs. Its a side of the work world I have never experienced before. Tomorrow working 7am to midnight and its suppose to be mad busy so hopefully it will go by fast.

I realized today I have a bad staring problem. I find my self looking at people and then forgetting I am looking and it turns into a stare and then I keep doing it and I dont realize it. So if you catch me staring at you sorry I have a problem and I am working on it.

OH this weekend?

I hope so.

who needs a mind anyway?

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 01:41:51 GMT

I dont know things are ok I guess. Went to Walmart today to get new tires and did some serious people watching. I had nothing else to do and had to kill an hour and a half. Its funny how people get so bent out of shape over little shit. This one guy was pissed cause he brought his car that had a million miles on it that he bought from some to get the oil changed and since he did the oil has been leaking. Instead of acting like a civil human he was all like well I am calling my lawyer. Are you fucking kidding me!! You paid like 15 bucks for an oil change and now you are gonna involve a lawyer. People are unreal. I feel like when I am out in public alone that people dont see me. Like I blend right in and no one notices me I guess I dont feel important enough to stand out to anyone or maybe its that I dont care enough to stand out. I dont know I just have this weird feeling towards people that I dont know like its almost like I am numb to whats going on around me. Maybe I am just paranoid or out of my mind. I just find it hard to go out in public places alone not that I am scared just that I cant stand people in general.

On a side not from my intense paranoia I am working next week from 8am to midnight on Monday then 3pm to midnight the rest of the week. Gonna be intense.

sweet

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 18:08:49 GMT

I think that I may have hit rock bottom yesterday. I got in this huge fight with my dad and was about 1 second away from leaving my house then was like fuck where am I gonna go. My parents keep yelling at me to get my shit done for school but what they dont realize and I have told them a million times is that I have sent in everything I can for now for my finacial aid. I am waiting on them and their tax stuff so I can finish. And my dad's like well why the hell do they need my tax stuff. I dont fucking know I am not the fucking head of finacial aid if they tell me to send it in then I am sure they have some reason for it. I just want to go to school now so I can get out of my house. They only thing thay made me happy is now just fucking pissing me off. I try to ride my bike and have fun but it seriously has not been fun as of late. Theres like 3 people I like to ride with and thats pretty much impossible in the winter time. I thought that maybe I was getting my life on track and going to school and its something that I really want to do but right now I am unhappy with everything in my life. I mean everyone bugs me about my bike vid so I sit down and actually get it done then show people and they fucking rip it apart and it makes me want to say fuck it. Like yeah I want my friends to be honest but they dont fucking realize how much work it takes to put a video together and get everyone together to film. They just want the final product and they want it now. Fuck them it will be done when I feel like putting it out. And as far as girls I could prolly have this amazing girl right now but I am too fucking retarded to see whats in front of me so that will prolly end in disaster and the way things are going I honestly dont want to get into anything right now. I just dont know what to do anymore and no one reads this fucking thing so this whole this was just a waste of time.

FUCK

sick as fuck

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 03:55:00 GMT

Ever since I got back from OH I have been sick as a fucking dog. Last night I got no sleep cause I was too busy hacking up a lung. I was suppose to go to NC tomorrow but Mike's car is being shitty so we are not going till next week which is fine by me cause maybe I wont feel as shitty. I think I got like a bacteria infection from sleeping on a piss soaked floor among other things. It sucks cause I will have it till its gone cause I got no insurance to get medicine.

Theres a bunch of stuff going on that should be making me happy but its not and I cant figure out why...maybe I am just crazy.

12hrs sleep in 6 days.....

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 04:15:59 GMT

I am back from OH and had a good time. Got to ride the best parks again and got to do it with my good friends. Learned alot about someone and basically had my whole veiw changed. Nothing like being told that you and all your friends are punks. Who says that. Seriously people who are soo narrow minded make me sick. But theres nothing I can really do about it. All in all the trip was sick.